Nothing to Offer
by Killjoyncis
Summary: What was Tony Dinozzo thinking following the events of "Minimum Security"? Everyone thought they knew him so well...but what they don't know? Is that Tony is ALWAYS undercover.


He'd been working for Gibbs two years before he lost his way for the first time. Tony Dinozzo generally did not allow things to hurt him; he had a quick laugh, an easy smile, a positive outlook. Most people that he worked with did not know that the thick skin was really layers and layers of scar tissue. Things didn't get to him because he was so used to being underestimated and underappreciated that he wouldn't know what to do with a compliment.

But that was before Cuba. Tony was excited about traveling to Cuba. Even more excited to see that they were taking a Gulf Stream. He loved the opulence of the plane, despite the fact that he walked away from a life of wealth and materialism when he chose law enforcement over the Dinozzo family business.

That should have been his first clue-thinking about the family while on a crazy expensive plane. He should have realized in his gut (why didn't his work the same way as Gibbs' did? It wasn't fair) that thinking about his upbringing this early on a case would lead only to discomfort and pain. Even the usual sparring with Kate…vying for Gibbs' attention and trying to one up each other…felt too much like children seeking the approval of their impossible-to-please father.

Then there was the episode with the iguana. Tony hated lizards; most likely this was because of Maui. Tony could still remember the feeling of abandonment as well as the less "Tony-ish" details that he usually left out of the retelling. Yes, he had gotten to go with his father on a business trip to Maui. Yes, while they were both there, Tony had received the best that money could buy. What he generally didn't share was that he had been in too much pain to make much use of the beautiful surroundings. He also left out that when his father left, he had already checked out of the five-star resort hotel where they had been staying. He had been on his way to the bench where Tony had been sitting and waiting when he received a business call. While he was dealing with the situation, he's simply gotten into the limo and departed. Tony had been left behind. He'd tried to call his father on his private jet, to no avail. Not only had his father forgotten him, he hadn't even missed that his only living child was not with him.

Forty-eight hours later, he had boarded a plane heading for his home. His father hadn't asked him, when he returned to the Dinozzo estate, where the new bruises had come from. He hadn't asked about the careful way that Tony held himself. He hadn't asked about the shadows in his son's eyes, darker even than they had been days before. He had, however, asked (with a drunken laugh, no less) about his son's disgust at seeing the lizard that Lucia (the latest in a long line of private tutors) had brought to the house to help illustrate a science concept.

"It's a salamander, Anthony." His voice was full of contempt. "What the hell is there to be afraid of?"

"Well, sir, when you left me in Maui, I didn't have any place to sleep while I was trying to get enough money together to come home. The weather was fine, so there was no problem. Except for the cockroaches and the ants and the geckos. Surprisingly, when a person is trying to sleep in an alley, the bugs come out. The geckos are actually helpful in terms of keeping the bug population in control. But they watch you when you sleep. They're always watching." After that conversation, when Tony was holding an ice pack to his swollen jaw, he reflected that it was a good thing he hadn't shared the uncomfortable feeling of a lizard watching while he earned the money required for a plane ticket home.

Based on his thought progression, Tony knew that the situation with Paula Cassidy was going to end ugly. She was poised, beautiful in an unconventional way, and totally out of his league. And she knew it. She played him hardcore and he fell for it, like he always did for his mother's games. He was never sure if his mother set out to betray him all those times, or if she was so mentally unstable that she didn't realize that she sold him out. She promised to help him stand up to his father and the abuse that they went through, only to back out and play the vapid and drunk trophy wife that she was. The only time she hid behind her mask in Tony's presence was when she was hiding from his father. That wasn't to say that she wasn't seven levels of fucked up all on her own; Anthony Dinozzo Senior simply worsened the situation. It had only taken three times before Tony realized that contrary to her pledges and promises, Anna was never going to call out her husband. Granted, the third time had required surgery, but lesson learned.

It struck Tony as funny, in a kind of pathetic way, that his cover worked so well. Kate was a profiler who defended the president and Gibbs was one of the most intuitive people that he knew. Ducky was brilliant and Abby could find evidence where no evidence existed. Yet none really tried very hard to see if Tony was really as all-around useless as his general demeanor suggested. Kate was easy to explain: beyond the excellent profiler was a lifetime Catholic who was easily embarrassed. Didn't take much to push her off the trail. Ducky had already written Tony up as a narcissist, and he'd been careful not to jostle that image. Gibbs was a bit harder, and Tony's only explanation was that he'd listened to Tony's bosses in Baltimore and Philadelphia and Peoria when he interviewed them. All three had made no secret of their disdain for him. It hurt, but then Tony was used to seeking negative attention from his father-figures. Abby was the most painful to deal with. He considered her to be a true friend, and it was sad that he couldn't be himself around her. But one thing Anthony Dinozzo knew was that as himself, he had nothing to offer to anyone, and that unconditional love did not exist.

"Dinozzo!" The head slap, in his current state of mind, did not receive his normal response. The flinch, born of years of much worse treatment, was subtle to the average person. But Gibbs was anything but average. His next words were considerably less sharp in tone than usual. "You getting off the plane, or are you going to live here?"

Tony slipped into character, flashing a brilliant smile at his Gibbs, daring him to comment on his reaction. "On your six, Boss!"

He grabbed his backs, and descended off the plane, sunglasses perched on his nose. He looked like a pampered playboy, used to excessive wealth and excellent accommodations. If he had looked behind him, he would have noticed something that would have worried him a great deal. What he missed was a set of blue eyes, narrowed, that stared after him in thoughtful contemplation.

"What do you make of that, Gibbs?" Clearly Kate had seen the flinch as well.

"Don't know. But I'll find out." His tone brooked no argument. Leroy Jethro Gibbs did not like puzzles. Especially not on his own team. Especially from the one agent that he thought he knew forward and backward. "I will figure it out, Kate."


End file.
